Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
two words...techno handjob
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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