Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize