Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
