If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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