so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
