I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
