My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
