I look better un-naked...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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