I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
