Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
