The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
