I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
