My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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