I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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