the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have aggressive nipples.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
