hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize