you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
