my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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