she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So many bounce houses so little time
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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