and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
