I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize