6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
