So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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