when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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