I didn't shave. On purpose
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
