What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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