Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
