brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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