so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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