I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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