You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
