My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
