She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
