all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
