I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
