apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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