sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
