she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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