So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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