if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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