all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
