I'm lost and stupid without you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
