Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
