how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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