Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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