i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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