Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
