I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
