I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
