Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize