i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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