just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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