A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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