I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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