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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
