were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
