What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's official drugs can't kill me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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