Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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