how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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