The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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