so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize