They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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