im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
