So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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