oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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