Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize