i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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