i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
