I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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