Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
