Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
