Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
