Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
