Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize