I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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